Being Yourself or Listening to Others?

When young people think about their future, they are often told two different things. One person may say, “Follow your heart.” Another may say, “Listen to people with more experience.” Both ideas sound reasonable, but they can point in different directions. For example, a student may love drawing and want to study design, while her parents may tell her to choose a more stable career, such as medicine, law, or engineering. In such a situation, should she stay true to herself, or should she listen to others?

The answer is not simple because both choices have risks. If she ignores her own interests, she may spend many years doing work that does not suit her. Even if she earns a good income, she may feel that she is living someone else’s life. On the other hand, if she follows only her feelings, she may overlook practical problems. She may not know how difficult it is to find work in her chosen field, how much training she needs, or what kind of life the career will actually bring. Being true to yourself is important, but it should not mean closing your eyes to reality.

This is why advice from others can be valuable. Parents, teachers, and mentors may see things that a young person cannot yet see. They may know about money, job security, training, or the difficulties of a certain profession. A student who wants to become a designer, for example, may learn from a teacher that design is not only about talent. It also requires communication skills, patience, and the ability to accept criticism. Such advice may not destroy her dream. Instead, it can help her understand what she must do to make that dream more realistic.

However, not every opinion from others is true advice. Some words are only pressure. Advice gives a person information and helps them think. Pressure tries to control the person’s choice. For example, if parents say, “Design is a difficult field, so you should learn about the job market before deciding,” that is advice. However, if they say, “You must become a doctor because that is the only respectable job,” that is pressure. The difference is important. Advice respects the person who must make the decision. Pressure ignores that person’s interests and values.

There is also another kind of harmful influence. Sometimes people discourage others because they only see their present ability, not their future growth. However, support from others can also help people notice possibilities they cannot see by themselves. A person close to us may see value in our work when we cannot see it ourselves.

The writer Stephen King gives a useful example. When he was working on his first novel, Carrie, he was not satisfied with the story and threw away the early pages. His wife, Tabitha King, found them and encouraged him to continue. Her words did not simply praise him or tell him to follow his dream without thinking. Instead, she helped him see that the story had potential. King continued writing, and Carrie was published in 1974 as his first novel.

This story shows what useful support can look like. Good advice does not force a person into someone else’s path. It also does not simply say, “Do whatever you want.” Instead, it helps a person notice a real possibility and take the next step. In King’s case, encouragement from another person helped him continue when he was ready to give up.

What is important, then, is to choose carefully which words we should listen to and which we should not. Some words only make us afraid to try. But useful advice gives us facts, points out difficulties, or helps us see value that we may have missed. Being true to yourself does not mean ignoring all advice. It means knowing your own values clearly enough to choose the advice that helps you grow.

Written by Everett Ofori