Small Talk vs. Big Talk: Which Makes Better Connections?

You are at an interview. Another person is sitting in the room, waiting as well. Do you look at your phone and stay silent, or do you start a conversation? This simple conversation is called small talk. Many people think small talk is only a way to pass the time, but others believe it is an important social skill. Recently, some people have started to question small talk and argue that deeper conversations, sometimes called “big talk,” can create stronger connections.

What Is Small Talk?

Small talk usually revolves around simple topics such as the weather, hobbies, weekend plans, and work. The goal is not necessarily to learn deep things about another person but to create a comfortable atmosphere. This simple interaction can also prepare the way for future conversations and may even create new opportunities.

Small talk is important because it helps people relax. For the person who starts the conversation, it shows friendliness and interest in another person. This skill is useful in workplaces, schools, conferences, and many other situations where people meet for the first time. Small talk can even happen online while you are waiting for a Zoom meeting to begin.

The Rise of Big Talk

In recent years, some people have suggested that while small talk can create a comfortable atmosphere, it is often quickly forgotten. Supporters of big talk believe that asking deeper questions can make conversations more meaningful and memorable. 

However, the phrase “big talk” can be confusing because it has another meaning. In everyday English, “big talk” can describe someone who boasts or talks proudly about themselves. For example, a person who always talks about their achievements without listening to others may be described as “all big talk.” In this article, however, big talk refers to conversations that encourage people to think deeply and share their ideas.

For example, instead of asking, “What did you do this weekend?” someone might ask, “What is something you want to achieve in life?” The first question is a typical example of small talk, while the second question encourages a person to think more deeply about their experiences, goals, and values.

Big talk does not mean every conversation must become serious. Rather, it means creating opportunities for people to share ideas and stories that are important to them.

Moving from Small Talk to Big Talk

Although big talk can create stronger connections, it is not always easy to begin with deeper questions. If you suddenly walk up to someone and ask, “What is your philosophy of life?” they may feel uncomfortable. Kalina Silverman, author of Big Talk: How to Skip the Small Talk, Make Meaningful Connections and Enrich Your Life, suggests beginning with a light and friendly question before moving into deeper topics.

The key is to listen carefully and show genuine interest. Most people enjoy talking about their thoughts, experiences, and dreams. Questions that encourage people to share their opinions are often more effective than immediately discussing difficult or controversial topics.

Finding the Right Balance

We live in a world where communication styles continue to change. In the past, many people focused on learning small talk skills for business meetings, conferences, and social events. Today, some people are experimenting with big talk to create stronger relationships. Some even use question cards with interesting topics when meeting new people. After a short period of small talk, they choose a question and begin a deeper conversation.

In the end, small talk and big talk are not enemies. Small talk often opens the door, while big talk helps people walk through that door and build a stronger connection. The best conversations usually include both.

So, what do you think? Are you a fan of small talk, big talk, or perhaps something in between?

Written by Everett Ofori